Narrowed Focus
I’m looking forward to this weekend. I’m staying positive. Unfortunately, it’s been a rough week around here, divorce-wise.
Even though I feel like I have still have a grip, it always surprises me what emotional turmoil can do to me physically. I’ve had to narrow my focus, to take care of the things that matter most:
- me
- my dogs
- being sure to eat
With my focus this narrowed, I was unable to come up with my usual, silly, fast-topic-changing Friday post. I hope to get my mojo back next week.
In the meantime, I’m congratulating myself for handling my situation with grace. “Grace” is my new favorite word. I can feel grace, I can project grace, I can recall grace, and I can look forward to grace. “Grace” helps me remember who I am.
On that note, it is clear to see why I don’t post any ugly details of the break-up here. Trust me…taking the high road isn’t always easy. It would be SO FUN to sling some mud and talk about what’s really going on. But I am remembering who I am. That isn’t how I want to behave.
I’m really okay. Really. The obstacles that are keeping me from moving are melting away. I have so much to look forward to!
And now for a pretty photo. Black and White Dog in Black and White Shadows:
Let’s all have a great weekend, okay?
September 28th, 2007 at 8:20 am
Your grace is what makes me respect you even more now.
September 28th, 2007 at 8:27 am
You are an amazing, strong woman and your grace is equally inspiring.
September 28th, 2007 at 8:41 am
Hang in there, girl. Kudos to you for showing the world what you’re made of.
September 28th, 2007 at 8:42 am
I love how you have conceptualized “grace” into every aspect of your life. It is absolutely beautiful and poetic. Remember this post and come back to it to remind yourself that you are the strong woman you believe yourself to be!
September 28th, 2007 at 8:45 am
Your attitude during this horrible time is admirable. Yes, it would be fun to rant and rave, and everyone would support you. BUT I think you will heal more quickly and you can be proud of yourself. Sending lots of hugs.
September 28th, 2007 at 8:45 am
I want to add another word to your vocabulary: “classy.” You’re one classy chick for taking the high road. I know from experience that it’s not easy. Slinging mud can be so cathartic, but it always comes back and hits you in the face. Feel free to complain, cry, scream and bitch to your closest friends because they are the ones who won’t judge you in the end. Keep your head up you classy, graceful woman. You are strong and you will not only survive this, you’ll thrive.
September 28th, 2007 at 8:55 am
Staci,
You are the epitome of Grace and Class. Keep your head held up high and you will weather this storm. As much as it would be so releasing to sling mud, it’s better to be that Graceful and Classy lady that you are.
You are in my thoughts. Snuggle up to the boys, remember to eat and just remember that you can get through this!
September 28th, 2007 at 8:59 am
Yes — what they all said — I feel the same way. From experience, I know that remembering to eat can sometimes be the hardest part . . . I’m sending all good and positive thoughts your way. And more grace.
Abe is so cute!
September 28th, 2007 at 9:16 am
The momentary high you would get from “slinging the mud” is not worth the loss of your self respect and “Grace.”
I admire you greatly Staci. Keep it up!
And smooch that Abe for me.
September 28th, 2007 at 9:17 am
You are and always have been the epitome of grace. I’ve always attempted to live gracefully (and sometimes failed terribly and regrettably) and especially when I was in your shoes I remember making the word grace my mantra so to speak. You are to be commended and honored. Keep your head up high and continue to move forward with grace and of course the style you carry it so well with. Have a great weekend.
September 28th, 2007 at 9:29 am
Hang in there, lady. Next weekend is going to be such fun. I think you are doing such a graceful job getting through this mess!
Abe is so presh. Love the shot.
September 28th, 2007 at 9:44 am
You sound like you are exactly where I was a little over a year ago. Grace is absolutely what can get you through anything while remaining intact and true to who you are. I know it’s rough going (I did it with four little boys), and it absolutely can take a physical toll on you. Forward is the best way to go, and I always tell anyone who asks how we survived in good shape that you just have to accept that there’s no going around it. You can’t go around it, under it, or over it. You have to go Through it. Have faith that there is a life at the other side of the mess.
September 28th, 2007 at 10:21 am
Glad to hear your ok. I was worried. Have a grace-full weekend! I’ll try and do the same.
September 28th, 2007 at 10:24 am
Hang in there and keep your head up. i know it’s hard having done it myself, but you will perservere!
and congrats on abe being in the calendar! it’s such a sweet pic
September 28th, 2007 at 10:30 am
I’m so impressed with how you’ve dealt with this whole situation - so gracefully.
Abe looks very calm and contented in the photo. I’m glad you have the dogs to help you through!
September 28th, 2007 at 10:35 am
I’m so sorry about what you are going through. But thank you sincerely for reminding me that grace is what will be remembered at the end of the day.
September 28th, 2007 at 10:49 am
Delurking to say that it would be a great thing if more of humankind would handle adverse circumstances with the amount of grace that you are. You’re an inspiration - keep your chin up!
September 28th, 2007 at 11:21 am
I so hear you.
Did you ever see this picture? http://www.flickr.com/photos/charris/1250142890/
September 28th, 2007 at 12:08 pm
You are a class act. Your friends and family will get you through this very trying time of your life. Opportunity waits for you around the corner–we never really know what’s in store for us in the future, but there is a plan. Chin up! Have a great weekend!
September 28th, 2007 at 12:30 pm
You are totally amazing, I really admire you. You have more strength then I, I am afraid. And aside from you being totally awesome the boy’s picture today is really cute.
September 28th, 2007 at 12:33 pm
Staci, you got grace. And you and Abe both have the right idea–look to the sun and the shadows will fall behind!
One of my favorite quotes from Ernest Hemingway:
“By “guts” I mean ‘grace under pressure’”
September 28th, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Hang in there - sounds like an awfully rough time, but I feel 100% sure it’s gonna get better for you. Take care of youself and DEFINITELY remember to eat, even it is some weird comfort food for breakfast.
September 28th, 2007 at 12:52 pm
Damn, I’m sorry to hear that things are going so rough for you at the moment but you are definitely dealing with it better than I would. I think it’s great that you have so much restraint and don’t let it all out here on your blog, I’ve done that in the past and it’s not worth the shit that follows. Not only do people get angry with you for feeling the way you do, but they are even more furious because you’ve shared it with anyone who wants to read it. As good as it feels getting it out there, it feels much worse after you’ve calmed down and suffer the consequences.
You are so strong, not to mention super talented with your knitting and everything else you take on in life. I am sure your new life will be great and by the looks of things in these comments you have a lot of friends and family who love and support you.
Stay strong girl! xoxo
September 28th, 2007 at 1:05 pm
Dang. Is there an email web ring we can all join for the mud-slinging part? Just remember what I said and eat more than you drink, and for Grace-sake go buy a copy of the Emperor’s New Groove. Or Orange County.
September 28th, 2007 at 3:55 pm
It is very difficult to unwind a life which was so tightly bound to another. It just takes painful time. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it will all be okay, different, but okay. Have a great weekend.
September 28th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
You are such a gracious lady! So enjoy your weekend graciously.
September 28th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
I’m constantly impressed by your grace through all of this; I always have been for that matter. Hope this weekend treats you well. Take care of yourself, that is the MOST important thing.
September 28th, 2007 at 6:19 pm
Ditto about the Web ring! I was worried when I didn’t see you on Wed. Glad you’re doing well. Have a book rec for you–Anne Lammott’s Grace (Eventually). Would be perfect for you about now. Waves of comin’ atcha, doll.
September 28th, 2007 at 11:05 pm
glad to see you back. i was worried wednesday. last weekend had me make a rather large (and very good) decision about myself. i’m happy with it. that kind of thing will come to both of us more and more. and it is about being graceful and classy and taking the high road. it’s hard, but well worth the effort. even better… last weekend, i spent a few hours NOT thinking about the ex. when i realized it (the next day) i was so happy with myself. and those few hours, i wasn’t sleeping, i wasn’t drinking, i was have A GOOD TIME! kudos to both of us for getting past the bad things. we’ll both make it. don’t forget, the offer of getting away for a while still stands. you and the boys. the leaves are changing now. it’s beautiful here. wisconsin is my favorite state.
September 29th, 2007 at 1:00 pm
Divorce can brig out the other side. It’s good to take the high road and live and act with grace. I had to learn to be like that too. Definitely hard sometimes, but I tried to not bash my ex. Partly b/c I didn’t want to be bitter. I wanted to move on with my life, learn lessons from the experience and cherish the good memories. And I’ve found that after a few years, I’m even able to be friendly with my ex, not overtly so, but we can chat on occasion now, and I don’t feel the need to hit him. Progess, right? Just trying to make you laugh. Always take care of yourself, breathe deeply and know that each day is a new day that you can move on and that you’ve survived another day.
September 29th, 2007 at 3:44 pm
You rock staci!! Keep on Keepin on!!
I love love love this song…’Grace’ by Kate Havnevik … link and lyrics below
______________
I’m on my knees
only memories
are left for me to hold
Dont know how
but Ill get by
Slowly pull myself together
Theres no escape
So keep me safe
This feels so unreal
Nothing comes easily
Fill this empty space
Nothing is like it seems
Turn my grief to grace
I feel the cold
Loneliness unfold
Like from another world
Come what may
I wont fade away
But I know I might change
Nothing comes easily
Fill this empty space
Nothing is like it was
Turn my grief to grace
September 29th, 2007 at 9:04 pm
I’ve already told you how proud I am of how you are handling everything and I think Grace is an excellent way to describe it. I hope your weekend is going well
September 30th, 2007 at 6:37 pm
Hang in there! I have no idea how you do it so well and with such poise the whole time. I hope you had a great weekend!
September 30th, 2007 at 9:54 pm
In response to your now-old question, I am totally going to knit stuff for Hannah’s baby. She/he needs cute knitted things, and I am the stand-in aunt to knit them for him/her.
October 1st, 2007 at 1:05 am
you are truly a class act, staci. i mean that in all sincerity. hope your weekend was better.
October 1st, 2007 at 4:02 am
well I’m posting kind of late, but just a note to let you know that I am really really impressed by your attitude, and I’m going to try and apply grace to my life more often also.
I hope you had a good weekend, despite everything!
October 1st, 2007 at 5:50 am
I am in agreement with everyone here…you are full of grace, class, and strength. Don’t forget who you are, and by all means, don’t forget to laugh! Laughter truly is some of the best medicine.
October 1st, 2007 at 7:44 am
You make us so proud. And your strength is amazing. Just remember that you have so many supporters that will help you. And, for me, my dogs helped me get through some rough times by providing love and laughter so I am glad they are in your top 3
Please take care of yourself, all the best Staci.
October 1st, 2007 at 10:23 am
Stay strong. Strong and graceful!
October 1st, 2007 at 4:13 pm
Remember in Christmas Vacation when Clark asks someone to say grace?
“Grace? Ohhh…She passed away thirty years ago…”
October 2nd, 2007 at 9:17 am
You’re right - taking the high road can be tough, especially when you’re hurt/angry/disappointed/etc. But you’ll never, ever regret it. You’re doing everything right: taking care of yourself (and your adorable pooches!), looking to the future and rising above the rest. Good for you. I hope it gets easier with each passing day.
October 2nd, 2007 at 12:59 pm
Never blogged, baby steps knitter, linked by sesoned knitter, but avid dog fan since childhood. Welcome to Austin !!
October 2nd, 2007 at 5:59 pm
I’m all for being graceful in public, but I really, really hope you’re clogging the phone lines with mud. Girl, sometimes you just GOTTA let that stuff out!
Plus, if you have some close friends who can make hilariously vicious comments about the ex- and the whole stinky situation, you’ll laugh in spite of yourself and that can certainly aid in the healing process.
My last boyfriend was (is) an obnoxious, pompous drunk who dumped me this summer because he basically wanted to be the “man about town” and didn’t want people to know he had a girlfriend. He’s been making obnoxious, drunken attempts to get me back for weeks now (it ain’t happenin’), but to me and my best friends (who unfortunately live right next door to him) it’s all just fodder for the joke mill. Maybe it sounds mean, but he was a total creep and it’s helped me immensely to not feel bad about the whole mess. Sometimes I’ll get a text from one of my girlfriends with an in-joke we have about him, and it just makes me laugh.
I say do what I did: adopt Lily Allen’s “Smile” for your “I’m movin’ on” theme song.
“I was so lost back then,
But with a little help from my friends,
I found a light in the tunnel at the end.
Now you’re calling me up on the phone,
So you can have a little whine and a moan,
And it’s only because you’re feeling alone.
At first, when I see you cry,
yeah it makes me smile, yeah it makes me smile.
At worst, I feel bad for a while,
but then I just smile, I go ahead and smile.”
Go ahead and smile, Staci!
October 3rd, 2007 at 8:25 am
I couldn’t agree more with Stacey’s comment. At least I know it helps me the same way it helps her.
You know I’m just a phone call away, lady. 2 more days until this weekend!! Yay.
October 3rd, 2007 at 9:45 am
And I’ll echo Denice’s recommendation of Anne Lamott’s book Grace (Eventually).
Peace, Staci.
October 3rd, 2007 at 11:26 pm
I so have been there–protein shakes are a must! You are very wise to go about this with GRACE, as difficult as it is to do so, I know. You are a wonderful woman with a deep soul that will be fulfilled by another someday. You do have lots to look forward to—-so many “new” aspects to your new life and identity. Keep pressing on and holding on to your true self, which you are doing so amazingly already! Love Abe’s latest–too damn cute!
October 5th, 2007 at 8:52 am
Love the sweater! Are you taking orders yet? hehe I hope you have a great time in Austin and your nails look fab! how do you knit with them?